Invisible blog

choosing one over another

Choices are hard.

doesn't matter if you were to choose between a prosperity burger and a double cheese burger.

By choosing one of them it gives you different effects of the calories that you gain, the change of your money, the joy and the satisfaction that it gives you.

 

Difficult ain't it?

 

But, in this entry, im not gonna hover around the bad choices.
I'm just gonna hover around the possibilities of the choices and how it made me feel.

A reminder (for my self); DON'T FALL ASLEEP WHILE READING OR TYPING THIS.

I am currently at my brother's house. SETAPAK/GOMBAK.

Not sure which is which but i'm pretty sure it's setapak.

On the way here I got a little lost. So I had to go back to KL Sentral and Alhamdulillah, I guess I'm lucky that I still got a little money on me. haha, if not, then i have no idea what will happen.

 

HUUUU~~~
I don't have class until monday so I'm on 'holiday' for about 4 days. and as expected, my roomates have all gone home- so, 4 days? alone?

DUDE, I'LL GO CRAZY

So, I remember that my bro said that he'd probably be going back to ipoh this weekend. So, I thought that it'll be nice to go back for a while. See my dad- he called just now(suddenly), it's like there's something important that he wanted us to talk about.

So, I chose to go back to ipoh.

While I was on my way here (again)

Got texts and calls from friends at shah alam asking me to hang out.
OH how I really wanted to. But i can't.

And I realized that i had to miss gijie's n chibi's basket ball game, Faliq's swimming and loads of good times with them all. - But what to do?

 

You earn some, You lose some.

 

Honestly, I don't know what i'm feeling.

 

suratan atau kebetulan?

aku rasa aku sangat perlu untuk buat entri ni.
rasa sangat perlu.kalau tak, aku tak boleh tidur.

opah aku meninggal 15 oktober 2011 pukul 10 malam  NOKHTAH!

 

Penghuraian

Aku pun tak tahu nak huraikan macam mana. rasa macam a lot of things happened at once (sekarang aku tak pedulikan struktur ayat/spelling/rojak)

First things first, yang most current.

aku dekat rumah dini- tengah online. Betul-betul after aku post entri I wanna go home ,

aku dapat call dari abang aku..

"nena, kamu kat mana? nena tau x? opah masuk ward. dia skang dalam hospital kat shah alam. kamu kat mana? bangah nak amik kamu ni"

aku dah gelisah. aku pon bagi la tahu yang aku kat kajang-  rumah dini. memang la dia akan bertanya yang lebih lebih. but tak penting sgt.

then bapak aku pulak call..

"ha, nena, opah masuk hospital shah alam. sekarang dah dekat ICU. pak cu, yong semua dah ada kat sana. bapak ingat nak pergi sana subuh esok."

Aku dah sedih. gelisah. (dini dan sekeluarga sedang kusyuk tengok MU vs LIV) hati tak sedap. aku dapat rasakan yang aku tak akan tidur kat rumah dini malam ni.

then tak lama kemudian, abang aku text..

"opah dah meninggal"

.....dengan ayat yang begitu simple. air mata kau dah berjurai. tapi tak teruk. masih boleh control cool, sebab aku tengah ada kat rumah orang. beragak la bro.

aku sedekahkan al-fatihah.

bapak aku call..

"*senyap* *sniff sniff*nena, opah dah tak de. *sniff sniff* esok nena ngan bangah balik ipoh."

aku mengiyakan sahaja.
kemudian abang aku call lagi..

"ha, nena, siap2. bangah datang skang. kita balik ipoh. mintak alamat rumah kawan"

aku dah jadi tak keruan. semuanya berlaku dengan pantas. dengan suara bapak yang serak serak baru lepas menangis. tangisan aku tidak terkawal.

adik aku pon text. bagitahu yang opah aku dah tak ada.
dan cakap yang keadaan parents aku.. susah untuk di describe- aku dah risau.

aku terus text dini. aku tahu yang aku terpaksa bagitahu dia jugak. walaupun aku rasa macam tak nak. sebab mengganggu dia dengan family dia. tapi.. memandangkan ini emergency dan bunyi riuh riuh di tingkat bawah macam dah berkurang, aku masuk line laahh..

huuuu~~~~~ aku rasa aku dah menyusahkan dini n family diaa. tak tahu la. tapi aku rasa macam tu -.-"

 

jadi, lebih kurang pukul 2 pagi abang aku amik aku, aku sampai ipoh pukul 5 pagi.

pukul 8 lebih mak aku ketuk pintu. kejut suruh bangun. pukul 9.30 nanti nak disembahyangkan.
bangunlah dengan penat, ngantuk dan perut laparnya.
sebelum gerak ke chemor singgah kedai mamak (on the way ke kampung) jap, breakfast. sebab dah kebulur tahap hebat (sampai pukul 9)
perjalanan ke kampung lebih kurang 30-35 mins. (sampai je dah pukul 9.35)

aku sampai, salam beberapa orang strangers, then makcik n kezen aku suruh aku terus naik atas, tengok arwah, cium arwah.
aku bergegas naik. aku dah terlambat. arwah dah dimasukkan ke dalam keranda.
air mata aku jatuh lagi.

selepas dah disembahyangkan (aku tak tahu yang dah selesai)
lama sikit lepas tu, kezens aku nak pergi kubur. aku ikut. aku nak sangat ikut.
sebelum pergi tu, banyak sangat delay. siapa nak pergi dengan siapa. mana orang tu? mana orang ni? dah lambat dah ni!

bila dah sampai kat sana. ya, memang dah terlambat. dah selamat dikebumikan.
tikar dibentangkan dihadapan kubur. lebih kurang 7 anak opah duduk dihadapan dan membaca ayat2 al-Quran.
aku nampak bapak. mata dan hidungnya merah. mata aku bergenang lagi. bergenang saja ye.

dah abis, bapak aku nampak aku dan senyum. dia bergerak ke arah aku dan aku pon gerak.
dia pegang tangan aku..

"bila sampai ni?"

aku cium tangan dia, then aku urut urut tangan dia..

"pukul 5 pagi tadi"

dia pulak urut urut aku .. ehhh??? sape yang console sape niieeehhh??
hati aku jadi gembira sedikit.

 

_________________________________________________________________

 

Disebalik.

banyak yang aku fikirkan tentang peristiwa ini.

# Tak kira lah kau umur berapa, tua mana, muda mana, kaya, sederhana, miskin, kau tetap akan menangis kalau mak kau mati.

macam ganas dan macam bodoh je nak cakap benda yang obvious. But, ini yang aku fikir. ada kala kau akan fikir kau hebat. kau boleh buat bodoh kat mak kau. tak ada hal la, mak kau memang akan sentiasa ada kat kampung tu, bila kau nak balik sesuka hati, memang dia akan ada kat sana.
tapi, sekali dia dah tak ada, baru kau tahu.

tapi, walaubagaimanapun, aku bersyukur sebab family ayah aku memang sangat rapat dengan opah. bapak pon selalu je datang chemor. melawat opah. pakcu, selalu risaukan opah. walaupun dah hidup maju dengan perniagaan semua. still carry opah masuk toilet, urut urut opah.

memang terbaik lah.

okay. seterusnya.

aku fikir.
sebenarnya tuhan dah banyak kali bagi warning, petanda kat aku pasal opah. tapi aku je yang tak faham faham kot?

aku tak habis habis nak balik ipoh. nak sangat. kata rindu- memang rindu pon.
sekali opah meninggal. aku pun balik ipoh- tapi terlambat sampai tak sempat nak tengok opah, cium opah.

 masa aku pergi UM. tengok mock trial.
along ada ajak aku pergi rumah yong (aku dah pergi semalam dengan mak, bangah, nenek dan maksu). tapi masa aku pergi tu, opah tak ada lagi. dia petang baru sampai.
jadi along pon ajaklah, sebelum dia berangkat ke german malam tu- kali ni lebih kurang dua bulan.
aku pon dengan jujurnya cakap aku ada hal. aku tak tahu kenapa aku tolak. mungkin aku terasa dengan dia. yela, pentingkan diri dan mengikut perasaan, camne aku nak fikir elok elok?
sekarang aku rasa aku faham kenapa perjalanan aku ke UM sangat mencabar, penuh dugaan dan halangan. lagi lagi masa atap mawar kene sambar petir dan benda tu berlaku depan aku. hati aku dah tak sedap.

hhhhhmmmmmmmmmm.........

yang membuatkan aku lagi terkilan adalah.

tadi kak na datang chemor.
dia cerita kat aku. yang masa dia dan along pergi jumpa dia di rumah yong, opah tanya..

"liyana mana?"

aku.......tak tahu nak kata apa....

last last aku kata la..

"waaahh.. opah ingat nena tuu~~"

bajet nak cover la kan. skali kak na kata..

"aisshh. mesti la ingat, opah selalu tanya nena. setiap kali along dan kakna singgah rumah opah, mesti dia tanya 'liyana mana?'  "

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

air mata aku dah bergenang.

aku counter balik..

"aik? dia tak tanya pasal bangah pulak?"

kakna tengah flash back..

"heemmm.. tak de pon? rasa nya tak pernah kak na dengar"

.........................

dan dan pulak sebelum tu, aku ada sembang dengan maktam aku. dia terkejut yang aku tak sempat jumpa opah. tak sempat cium opah.

bagi dia sangat pelik.

kalau dia, dia akan bergegas gegas untuk kesana untuk jumpa opah (sanggup skip breakfast). sebab tahu yang takkan jumpa lagi.
dan kalau dia, dia akan jumpa opah kat hospital tu. mintak maaf semua.

FUCK FUCK FUCK

perlulah bagi aku rasa macam ni?

memang orang yang rapat dengan aku semua nak pergi tanpa aku jumpa diorang buat kali terakhir?
tak bagi peluang untuk aku mintak maaf semua?
peluk cium?
mintak halal segala ilmu, makan, minum?
adakah ni memang bukan rezeki aku.. ataupun.. ataupun...

T.T

T.T

kenapa ni?

ya Allah, jangan lah bagi aku buta dengan petandamu ya Allah.
Aku tak nak jadi jahil.

T.T

opah..

 

persoalan aku pada mak aku..

"mak, nanti kalau nak balik kampung, nak cakap 'balik rumah opah' atau nak cakap 'balik chemor' ?"

 

ps; This is not how I wanted to come back to ipoh.

I wanna go home

Home. not somebody elses home. but my own.

 

I'm currently at Dini's house. Her home.
Where her whole family is here and spending time together. Watching football, going to the field, playing with their neices.

I may have never said anything, but i don't really like staying in other people's houses.
it's not that i'm not thankful that they had offered me to spend my weekend there so i won't have to stay at mawar alone. thank you for saving me from a whole two nights in loneliness and beating myself up with hatred and any other stupid thoughts.

But yeahh,,, I'm not really fond of that. I'll feel uncomfortable, feel like an outsider. Intruding their family time. Even with my realtives, but not all though. Not rumah nenek. I'm comfortable there cuz there're only nenek n ciktah. So it wouldn't be that awkward.

I don't want to be a burden to them. so again, i'm thankful that i'm not sick. if i'm sick, i insist on staying at mawar- even if have to stay alone. If I can take care of myself when I'm sick before, then i'll take my chances of doing just that. No need to get other people to feel like they have to take care of me. Especially when they are not even related to me, they have a lot more to worry about, their own family to take care of.

One more thing, why i don't really like being in someonelse's home?

cuz it'll remind me of my own.
my mother, father and brothers.
eventhough we're not that many and we may not be as 'together' as others, but it's good enough for me.
Being at one place with them- the kitchen, mum's room, guest room (my mom's personal place to watch korean dramas -.-"), brother's room, dining room... any room that can fit us!

we'll talk, have dinner and talk again, laugh, watch movies, talk.
it's enough for me.
I miss them, I miss being in those situation.

I remember everynight before i go to sleep- even after i got back from hanging out with friends, i'd tip toe into my mum's room, and lie on the bed beside her- and that is ofcourse if dad is not there.

I'd whisper to her..
"maakk~~ dah tidur keeee?"

And she would say..
"mmm!! jangan kacau, nak tidur nieee"

I'll laugh and take her hand..
"haha, okay2, slamat malam mak, assalamualaikum"

T.T

but that is if she is really tired.
if not, we'd talk again, gossip, i'd tell her everything that had happen. the stupid things that my friend did at dinner or their jokes and all.
she would tell me things, we would discuss things and just talk.
Until she's really tired, or even me.

T.T

i remember when harith would excitedly tell me about the new songs that he like, the new things that he had, his drawings.
picking him up from school and he'd tell me about his day.. what his teacher had done, what happen to his friends.
Coming back from football game and give salam and said..

"maaakkk... tolong bukak pagar."

and i'd just leave him outside for a while.. pretending i didn't hear him..

"Assalamualaikum... maaakkkk"

and i'd open the door and said..
"ha, tunggu la kat luar,, mak tengah mandi.."

haha. and i'l pretend to walk away..
"eeehh!! nena! nena! tolong bukak pagar!"

I'd laugh and open the fence.

 

T.T

I wanna go home.

Along is now in germany and this time, for to two months. We didn't even have the chance to meet.
I don't know, but i feel like i shouldn't feel so bad about that. seeing he's already with his new family and had to focus on his work, his wife and also his little incoming baby (insyaAllah) :)

Along had left his car to bangah. I was thinking of going back to ipoh with him.. But he said he was too busy.

*sighs*

was kind of dissapointed.
i'm not even sure if i would be able to go home with him this upcoming raya haji due to his business.

T.T

sorry, I'm sure there are people that are having an even worse situation than me.
maybe i'm overreacting. i don't know.

It's just that.... having roomates that go back home every weekend. It's kinda sad.
Like one of my good friend, goes home everytime she could. that's not cool.

 

hmmm..... T.T

among other bad news, this is the one that bothers me at the moment and it's hard to hold it in any longer cause it's being rubbed in my face.

________________________________________________________________

 

Faliq,

 

    I'm sorry if i hadn't been there for you. and i'm sorry that i hadn't been able to tell you this face to face. I'm sorry.

    you're in the state where you need someone most. i'm not sure if me is the one that you need- but i wan't you to know that i'd really really really rally really want to be with you right now if i could. I'm sorry.

    I want you to know that i love you. you're not really alone. you have god, you have my prayers with you. Even when im not with you physically, I actually am. I also want you to know that after i got from class that evening, after you told me about that. i CRIED. okay, i cried. i don't know why but i did. maybe that is the reaction that you were expecting. I'm sorry if you were dissapointed.

    There are a lot of things that i wanted to tell you. i know that you're reading this. Please smile and don't cry :) . If you have to cry, smile while you're crying :') We're just human. We're not in control.

    The doctor is just predicting. But he doesn't set the day of our death. When you should or would go.

    All we can do now is just pray and make the best of our lives. You may be the one whose in that situation, but we never know I'm being called first before you. Right? so i guess i'm in same situation as you? maybe.

    What do i mean by make the best of our lives? I guess just appreciate every moment that we have. Do things that we wanna do and not holding back. Do things that make us happy. Try not to do things out of our selfishness. Don't be sad because of other people. Remember that god is always with you. Be happy faliq. be happy. Even if there are anchors that will always pull you down and sink in misery, just be strong and hold that anchor. You can't always stay at the same place.

 

Life

Puan Hajah's class gave me something to think about.

Life.

What's life?
What's life to you?
What does it say about life in the dictionary?
what's the definition?
what's the difference between life and living?

come on,, hit me with your best shot. give me something to sleep on. let me consider every perspective about life.

 

sure it'll hit you and left you speechless for a while if someone had asked you this. the question is really simple. But to answer it.... hard aint it?

life can be said in many ways, can be described in many words. but to choose the right one- can you really?

 

puan hajah said that life is a sequent of events
Acap said that life is like a football game. you want or you're heading for the goal but there's a lot of resistance and challenges.
Yam said that life is a mystery.
other people said life is this and life is that.
so, i'm wondering,, do life have a specific meaning or definition?
or is it different to every single soul in this world.

intriguing.

we're living(or are we?) but we don't even really know what it is or what it is for.

 

If you ask me. My answer is simple. I DON'T KNOW.

I really don't.

Life can be a lot of things.
It can be a road, it can be a journey, it can be chances, it can be possibilities, it can even be time.
IT CAN EVEN BE ALL OF THAT!

 

Since i don't know, then what do i live for?

 

I live for GOD.

Sounds cliche maybe. But yeah. That i know of.
I may not be good in religious matter, the history and all that. But i know what i live for.
He gave us the CHANCE to explore His creations and study it and experience it.
A lot of things we faced and feel is because he wanted us to and learn from it. It's for our own good even though it may be hard and difficult for us.
I go on thinking, dreaming, hoping and all but still i am just a human that could only have one thing at a time.
He gave me everything and thus I shall give Him everything too.

so, Life?

All of the things that people say about life is true. It's only different because they think of it in a way that is more familiar to them or eeemmmm.. in a way they see it or in a way they understand it-- im not sure if this make sense cuz it doesn't really say what im trying to say, i can't find the right word. but it's close.

*sigh*

how difficult it is for me to define life. even though i say the word often.

"my life blaaa....blaaa..."

"my life is currently..bla.. blaa.."

 

i don't know.. it's a lot of thing.
and to put that 'a lot of things' in one word.....

 

LIFE.

Priorities? what's yours?

Now that we've all grown up- physically and hopefully mentally too, we should know what our priorities are.

i said SHOULD. But not all people DO.

i guess at my age now- that is 19(*for future reference) it is kind of vital for us to actually have a goal, know what comes first and second, be aware of things that have to be done and so on so forth.

So when we are distracted, it kinda disrupt our focus on what's important and what's not.
I don't know, it's easier said than done. But that's basically it.
It is something to worry about when you don't know when or how to pull yourself together and get back on track. Or when you know that you have to do so and you know that you CAN do it but you're not sure if you WANT to. Scary right? but it's true.

Those trivial matters that occupy your mind-- It's not like you want them there, but you unconsciously think about them constantly and you don't even know why. What's that all about?
Because of this unnecessary thoughts, you will then have an inner conflict between yourself and those distractions.

Heavy thing to think about. It's exhausting i tell ya.. -.-

_________________________________________________________________

ALRIGHT.

Am I growing old than my age? (does this question make sense?)

I know that I'm a slow person and i am also aware that i forget things so easily. Yes,, sooooo easily.. kind of like short term memory lost-- but thank God it's not THAT short. But still,, I'm not proud of it.

People may not notice it- which im quite glad. but, now it had become clear to wati2, yum2 n dini about my unfortunate weakness.
It takes some time for me to recall certain events or certain details. But in a way,, i might not pay attention when that certain event takes place or the things that had happened are not really important for me to remember so i automatically erase them from my brain (maybe?).

so yeeaahhh.. now when they are like talking about things that had happen and it takes me some time to recall, they'd call me dory (from finding nemo).. cute? no, i don't think so.
It just reminds me of how slow and forgetful i am. No matter how i try to improve myself, it just....is... like that. i don't know what to do anymore.

in terms of study,, i think i got the hang of it because i've been practicing it for years and that is taking notes-- doesn't matter if it is just a line. because everytime i try to recall em back and failed- i get really frustrated and like literally feel like killing myself. haha. FUNNY.
so,, that is why i carry around a note book with me.
Even if i found a nice quote or an idea or just a beautiful sentence, i'd write them down. If that's impossible at the time, i'll save them in my phone.

so,, i don't know what is really wrong with me, but, i can assure you that i am doing my very best to be a better person and to potray the best side of me.

__________________________________________________________________

OKAY, speaking of BEST SIDE OF ME,

i've actually discussed this with wati2- about our new classmates. I think it's really awkward and hard to get comfortable with them.  Because i know that they are judging us- wati2 and i- because we are not like them. technically yes, we're not like them because we were from here (asasi tesl) and we've been together for more than a year so,, we don't walk in groups, we don't hold things back, we are comfortable with oursleves and the boys from our class because they were also from here. so, we know that we can be loud sometimes but.... that's just us.

Lets talk about me for a second. I know that some of the new comers may think badly of me because of my behaviour. yes, i know, i can tell. When it was asasi, everybody is a stranger to everybody so their true colours weren't shown yet. so we don't know how we were really like and how we could really be. Through time we slowly transformed or slowly coming out of our shell. Now however, I'm already out of my shell and most of the teslians and former teslians know who i am (i think) they were already used to my style and behaviour, they know how i joke around and say things that i don't really mean. So, I'm really sure that some of you may think that i am rude or poyo or berlagak or bajet bagus or blaa.. blaaa... blaaa... that's just how i carry myself and if that is how you see me, then there's nothing that i can do about it.
I'm surrounded by people that i already know and not afraid to be myself. If you think that's too much, then walk away and come back when you think you're ready to accept me or even if you think that you could or would never accept me.. then fine, I don't even mind xD

 

 

So, there you go,, a super long post. Stop yawning and go to sleep already.

Alangkah indah jika dirimu sentiasa disisiku.

Mintak maap lah kalau tajuk entri ni mengelirukan. sebab dah ketagih dengan lagu bo. haha

Wah wahhh... dah genap seminggu dah aku kat UiTM ni. woott~~ wooott~~
haha.

Alhamdulillah, kelas dia so far so good.

memang excited gila nak pergi kelas. but ada jugak rasa kecewa sebab 1 hari ada lebih kurang 2 kelas JE. wah, macam tamak pulak. but yeahh.. rasa macam nak spend time lagi kat kelas untuk belajar.
wah, macam poyo pulak kan.

But skang ni, yang betul betul dah belajar is linguistics with mr yuuuddddiiiii yang coommmeeeellllll!!! wuhuuu~~!!!! haha
sumpah best- tak tipu. sangat exciting. rasa berkobar kobar lagi.
but tu la, rasa sedih la jugak sikit sikit sebab aku memang seronok nak belajar but aku ni pon jenis yang cepat lupa. so, mula mula excited then beberapa hari nanti lupa balik certain certain part. so, agak slack la. that is why i have to constantly revise. cuma... aku tak berapa nak rajin sangat kan.
hahaha!!!
TAK PEE!!! USAHA LEEEJOOEEE USAHAAA!!!

haha.
another thing. azam aku nak g exercise or jogging tu. macam tak berapa nak berjaya.
huuu.. sedih sedih. salah satu nya adalah-- petang petang selalu hujan dan kadang kadang sambung sampai malam. soo... cmne kan?
haaa,, and i think that maybe its best untuk bersukan. like betul betul bersukan.
insyaAllah.. tengok dulu macam mana.

Now, a little mushy mushy stuff.

perasaan ke intec sekarang dah tak sama. pergi ke sana pon dah macam tak harap kan apa apa sangat. bila dah dekat sana dah macam tak ada arah tujuan.

it's not the same. kami semua rindu time asasi. the people there- that make that place special.
sekarang bila pergi sana, rasa sakit je. it's not the same anymore and it hurts when all that is left are just memories. and the new ones are... may or may not be made.

sedih kan?

kalau dulu time asasi, rehat antara kelas sejam, rasa sangat kejap, rasa macam tak cukup. tapi sekarang, rehat antara kelas sejam pon... rasa macam SETAHUN!! LAMA HARAAAAMMMM!!!
and yang sakit jugak tu sebab memang tak tahu nak buat apa, nak pergi mana.

*sighs

kene adapt ni.
usaha leejoe usaha.
macam mana kau rindu ke, kau tak puas hati ke, tahan je tahan.
something good will come after it. insyaAllah. :)

Baru Taiko babe.

haaa.. lamanya tak mengirim khabar.

Mula mula, aku ingin bersyukur kepada Allah, Alhamdulillah, aku dengan sahnya telah menjadi penghuni mawar dan juga menjadi pelajar UiTM. weeeweeeeettttt~~!! :)

Alhamdulillah.  :)

InsyaAllah, dengan semangat yang baru, azam yang baru, aku akan gunakan peluang ini sebaik mungkin!!! tak kira la apa jua rintangannya! (cheewaaahhh) haha.

memang tengah berkobar kobar nak start belajar ni!!! >.<

 

baiklah, ni cerita yang tak best sikit,
rasa macam dah buat silap besar je, dan rasa macam dah jadi budak jahat. haha

Kami sekawan- wati2, yam2 dan dini dengan hebat dan gigihnya ponteng orientasi.
HAHA!

serious, memang malas sangat sangat sangat. been there, done that.

didalam hati, ada jugak la rasa bersalah. ye lah, kakak faci dah susah payah untuk kitaorang, tapi kita buat bodho je. huuu... sebab tu la aku tak nak jadi faci. HAH!!

tapi tadi memang slack skit la. -.- dan semuanya memang silap aku -.-" aku rasa macam orang bodho je -.-" rasa macam penjenayah atau pelarian -.-" we're hiding to stay alive -.-"

EXAGGERATIOOONNNNN!!!

tadi, lebih kurang pukul 12 lebih jugak la (malam), aku baru je lepas solat isyak dan tetiba dengan baik dan naif nya, aku terasa ingin membasuh cawan aku yang aku minum SEMALAM. haha, aku pun tak tahu la mana datang nya keinginan tu, tapi tu laaahhh.

aku bukak la pintu bilik dengan hati2, keluarkan kepala- tengok kiri, tengok kanan. line clear!! aku pon dengan pantas la keluar. tapi bila keluar tu, aku macam ada nampak orang kat belah kiri jauh nun disana. so aku pon fikir la positif

"maybe si dayane la kot ngan member dia tadi"

okay, tak pe, hati da rasa tak sedap, tapi lek lek jeeeeee. ahaha

aku basuh cawan dengan pantas nya, dan aku pon terdengar orang cakap cakap dan orang jalanjalan-  ha, aku dah kalut skit.
dah habis basuh tu,, aku dah buntu. nak buat apa ni? nak buat lek ke, nak nyorok  ke apa?

HA!! SELAMBA!!

aku pusing je, nak keluar tandas. TETIBA ada tiga orang kakak kat depan pintu..

*kriikkk...kriikkk*

kakak: err.. adek, budak PB ke?
aku:*blur- apa benda PB tu?*
kakak: adek daftar bila?
aku: eeerrrrr... smalam- (technically memang semalam sebab dah pukul 12 lebih- harap maklum)+(aku ingat nak cakap aku ni budak asasi, tapi aku tak dapat fikir alasan kenapa aku ada kat situ in the first place)
kakak: Bilik adek kat mana?
aku: emm... *jalan slow2, belok kanan, stop. tunjuk* (bilik sebelah tandas -.-")
kakak: nombor bilik apa? 30?
aku: ha, 30 (ate, dah teghang2 depan mata tak nampak keeee?)
kakak: amek kos apa?
aku: tesl
kakak2: *pandang atas bawah*
aku: *buat2 tak nampak*
kakak: pakai baju sekarang, nanti turun dengar taklimat.
aku: ha, ok.

 

Nota:

1. aku dah tau PB tu apa.. PELAJAR BARU!
2. aku dah jumpa banyak sebab untuk aku ada kat situ kalau aku budak asasi- tetapi dah terlambat.
3. aku rasa sangat awkaward jumpa kakak faci yang comel lote dengan baju kurung walhal aku dengan shorts dan tshirt
4. guess what, kitaorang tak turun pon!!!!!
5. berani buat berani tanggung- cuak macam mana pooonnnnnnn- buat selamba je laaa

jadi, itu lah lebih kurang cerita nya. yang tak boleh bla, aku je yang first tau sal benda ni- wati2, dini dan yam tak tau pon- walaupon benda ni berlaku depan bilik. Alhamdulillah diorang tak terkantoi ada sekali dalam bilik. kalau tak, memang aku rasa bersalah.
aku dah setting baik punya, keluar bilik dah macam james bond-tapi kantoi jugak.
baru buat jahat sekali, dah kene kantoi. apahal ni bro?

haha!

tapi mintak maap la kak. kami memang macam ni. jangan salah sangka dengan tesl. kami dah biasa dipinggirkan. jadi ni nak kondem lagi, agak2 ahhh.. kami memang malas nak join orientasi.

 

 

we're sorry, it's not you. it's us.

Tahniah Liyana Johari

 

 

Alhamdulillah :)

semua reaaaaddyyyyy????

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LEEJOE!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOUUUUUU~~!!!!!
WUHHHUUUU~~!!!!!   \O/

HAHAHA!

well, thank you guys :') eventhough i know that some of you didn't even know that it was my birthday and just go with the flow-- and that is wish me cuz someone else just did. haha!!
hey guys,  i don't even mind:)
i don't even remember other people's birthday so why should i mind if they don't remember mine? haha! xD

anyway, i don't hope people to give me gifts and all that. it's not that important. i just value the wishes and the prayer, ohh.. and the thought haha. :) thanks.

let's not celebrate because it's my birthday, let's celebrate because i'm still alive :)

i thank god that i still got to live till today.
thank god for the lessons that he had taught me that made me who i am today, and if that is not good enough, thank god he gave me the chance to improve myself for the future me and also for my next life. insyaAllah, i will use this opportunity the best that i can. :)

there's a lot more to be thankful for :)

so, here are my wishes.

1. there'll always be moments where we will lost ourselves. in both happy sad, good bad, highs and lows situations. so hopefully my past and the increasing of age made me be more aware of how careless i can be and be more careful of my words and actions.
2. keep healthy. now i am watching my diet- and by that i mean control what i eat. eating regularly but with the right proportion and be active. since i will continue my degree and it's kind of compulsory to participate in the extracurricular activities, i guess it's good for me to join some of the sports there. anyway, i'm totally overweight at the moment, so, i'm trying to go for normal :)
3. SAVE! SAVE! SAVE! i'll try not to spend too much money. although it's not spent on things but FOOD! haha. well,, this will be tough, BUT! i'll take that challenge! xD
4. be gentle and considerate towards my belongings. haha. sounds weird. but yeah,, they seldom break or went missing but still,, care and attention is what they need so that it won't bring me trouble later.

soo.... that's some of it. i don't really plan to type em all down,, but yeeaaahhh,, for future reference. haha!!

insyaAllah, hopefully it'll all will get along with me nicely. hehe :)

okay, move on.

yesterday me and my friends got together and play FIREWORKS! yeah. and it's not even raya yet ;p

 

 

 

 

Dear abang amir

how are you doing over there? hope you're doing fine. do you know how many poeple misses you here?

*sighs*

I wanna talk to you so bad. I wanna see you so bad.

*cries*

there's no use regreting something that didn't happen.. though it might haunt me forever.
it sucks to think that people around me will live along with me and be with me till i die. it's stupid.

i don't know what more to say eventhough i know that i wanna tell you everything.

but most importantly..

i'm happy to have met someone like you
i'm happy to have had a teacher like you
i'm happy to have had a coach like you
i'm happy to have had a brother like you
i'm happy to have had a friend like you
i'm happy.

I will remember you and everything that you have taught me.

i'll keep on praying for you TwT

 

 

ps; i'd really like to meet you. please please please ask Him to let you see me.  it'll be the greatest birthday gift ever.

 

Greatest love

Nena

Adikku Sayang

Amir Harith Johari

kamu ni kenapa aris? kamu penat sangat ye?

nena tengok kamu ni pon memang tak cukup rehat. tidur pun lambat. petang pon selalu je ada hal.
tapi bila fikir balik, lebih kurang macam nena je dulu. haaiiizzz... bertahan la aris, kalau nena boleh, nape aris tak?

kamu push diri kamu tu agak agak lah sikit. rehat mesti ada. kamu merentas desa, ipoh international run, pergi tournament, lari 4x100, lepas ni ada 4x200 pulak. badan kamu letih tu. pergi la rehat dulu. sehari pun jadi lah. cukupkan tidur, makan elok elok. jangan main all out tapi kesihatan tak jaga.

bila orang tegur entah dengar ke tak. jangan la bosan dengar nena cakap. nena bukan selalu ada.

nena tau, nena nampak. aris macam hilang tujuan. masa aris kecik aris selalu disuruh buat itu, buat ini, sekarang aris tak tau kenapa aris buat benda tu. aris keliru. aris dah besar sekarang, rasa nak buat macam macam. tapi kalau dah tau apa yang aris suka. cari la jalan untuk mendalami benda tu.

nena nak mintak maaf la jugak, nena selalu heret aris pergi situ, pergi sini. ikut nena buat itu, ikut nena buat ini. tapi tu la, nak buat macam mana, aris je kawan nena, nak ajak siapa lagi?
dan sekarang aris pun dah besar panjang gila punya panjang, tak kan nak nena seret sana sini lagi kan?

hhhaaaiiihhhh.... susah wooo... nak tengok aris pergi sorang sorang.  rasa tak boleh terima yang aris dah besar.

haaiiissshhhh... kalau nena rasa macam ni, macam mana la agak nya perasaan mak kan?

hmmm... aris kene pandai jaga diri. duduk rumah tu jangan lupa tolong mak, nanti aris yang kene teman mak, kitaorg semua dah pergi jejauh. siapa nak kawan ngan mak kalau bukan aris kan?

kamu jangan degil2. nanti nena sepak karang baru tau. jangan kurang ajar dengan mak. macam mana stress nya aris, mak lagi stress. kalau rasa teruk sangat, stress sangat.. telefon nena. jangan ego--tetiba nena balik tengok aris dah emo. apahal entah? jiwa kacau ke apa.

 

aris ni baik budak nya. lurus. banyak potensi-- tapi malu. gedik. malas. aris boleh buat apa saja, cuma nak dengan tak nak je.

 

haaa,, tengok, punya la sayang nena kat aris. jangan gedik lagi dengan nena, sepak bontot kang.